This is going to be the first in a series of what I have observed in the online Christian Chat scene for over 10 years as a chatter, and for two and a half of those years as a site owner that provides audio and video chat for an online Christian Community.
The issue of “Entitlement” among christians chatters that I have encountered online has occupied my observations and thoughts for a long long time. I am talking about christians that go to chat rooms that cater for christians. Lets call this the “Christian Chat Circuit.” I say this because a high number of those who frequent this online arena, dont just stick to one site. They go to multiple sites, and are often at more than one site at a time.
For those outside the Christian Chat Circuit and who don’t know, many of these site have a number of unpaid volunteer staff putting many hours into the operation of these chat rooms so costs to the chatter are kept at a minimum or have been provided for free by the site owner. Some are christian owned and operated. All have chat rules and or terms of service. Some have a christian mission, some don’t.
So lets start with Websters definition of the word entitlement:
“: the condition of having a right to have, do, or get something
: the feeling or belief that you deserve to be given something (such as special privileges)
: a type of financial help provided by the government for members of a particular group”
(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/entitlement)
In the context of this article, lets say its the feeling or belief that you deserve access to Christian Chat Circuit. That you have a right to access and special priviledges.
Next, lets see what others have said about this general entitlement belief; even attitude. I am going to include secular and christian thought on this.
Firstly, in an article on “Entitlement Vs. Responsibility” (http://www.squidoo.com/entitlement), this is now being referred as an “Entitlement Syndrome” as one can see in the following.
“The Entitled: Those inflicted with the Entitlement Syndrome show symptoms of being overly-pampered, completely dependent upon others, frequently whining about trivial matters, full of jealousy and rage, excusing themselves from physical labor and tasks that require too much thinking, and lacking the ability to lose or fail gracefully. They are, in reality, children in adult bodies. Like children, the Entitled will throw tantrums when they don’t get what they want, especially if what they want belongs to someone … “
So again for the purposes of this article, lets say its behavior where one is preoccupied with their wants, and there will be some kind of anger based reaction when the wants are not gratified. Again, I have witnessed this behavior by countless persons calling themselves christian, on the Christian Chat Circuit.
Another online article from an employment consultancy has this to say on “Entitlement Mentality”:
“So, what is an entitlement mentality?
Our working definition: Employees behaving as though they deserve special treatment. These employees think they deserve preferential treatment to get what they want and to act as they want. Their reasons might include seniority, longevity, employment position, credentials, informal leadership, past performance (“I’ve earned it”), special circumstances, an overly-healthy ego, or something else (genetic superiority?).
They may believe that they
- Deserve enhanced salaries, incentives, perks, awards, appreciation, positions, working conditions, independence, authority, etc.
- Don’t have to put in extra time or effort, do the mundane or dirty work, follow the usual rules and expectations, etc.
They feel justified to complain and criticize when they don’t receive their preferential treatment. They can be angry and frustrated ranging from passive-aggressive pouting to verbal or physical attacks. Their performance suffers because they believe they are being mistreated. They may feel the right for revenge or retaliation against people or the organization.” (http://p-m- consult.com/Entitle.html)
I have seen the Entitlement Mentality occur with alarming frequency on the Christian Chat Circuit. This includes people who call themselves christians, and those who became voluntary staff on numerous sites. On the site I own, I have actually decided to do away with staff for a season, due to having a staff population at one stage that was about 80% infected.
Further to this, an online psychology based site, whilst discussing personality disorders in one of its articles has labelled “Entitlement” as a “Sense of Entitlement” in the following definition. “An unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others.” (http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Entitlement.html)
It goes on to say, “When someone with a Personality Disorder experiences the extreme ups and downs of mood swings, they can sometimes believe their own emotional needs are of the utmost importance. They may appear sometimes to care only about their own desires and needs – at the expense of other people around them – or they may habitually prioritize their own needs. This trait is often referred to as a Sense of Entitlement.”
In the 10 or so years I have experienced on the Christian Chat Circuit, I have come to see this infect just about EVERY chat room I have been into.
Next, and this is pretty disturbing in itself, when “Entitlement” is actually grouped with addiction, which chatting on the internet for hours and hours each day undoubtedly is, one then has to start to seriously question the mental health implications as well. An online Drug Addiction and Help Site, actually has the following things (a selection has been chosen) to say about entitlement.
“People who believe they are entitled may behave in ways that others consider rude, self-centered and foolish. Some examples of entitled behavior include the following acts:
- Parents consistently serving themselves at dinner prior to feeding their children
- A spouse frequently buying luxury items even if the household lacks the means
- A teenager in legal trouble expecting her parents not only to bail her out, but also to retain a lawyer to ensure that she avoids other issues
- Attending an event to which someone was not invited
- A consumer expecting a retail facility to provide additional goods and services
- Parents expecting others to make impractical concessions for their child
While most people perceive these behaviors as inappropriate, an entitled person believes that these are reasonable.”
“When entitlement and addiction meet, people prioritize their wants ahead of anyone else’s needs. The mental health disorders most associated with entitlement include the following examples:
- Narcissistic personality disorder
- Histrionic personality disorder
- Dependent personality disorder
- Borderline personality disorder
In all of these cases, the individual with the personality disorder believes his behaviors are justifiable.”
“Entitled people failed to learn several lessons during their formative years, including self-control, responsibility and delayed gratification. As a result, these individuals have a self-centered view on life, so their thoughts and actions focus on fulfilling their desires. Entitled people are unable to be compassionate and are only interested in other people if they have something they want, such as sex, money, drugs or attention. Many entitled people develop compulsive behaviors because they primarily want to do whatever feels good for them.”
Reading the above quotes, you would think, surely not in the Christian Chat Circuit, but sadly yes. The internet is the perfect environment for people to project a persona, and in the case of a number of the personality disorders mentioned, a false persona is a key symptom or behavior.
Before I go any further I want to make one thing very clear. I am not a Psychologist. I hold a Christian world view, and do not agree with a lot of what psychology has to say about the human condition. I studied Ministry in bible college for three years, and have spent nearly 24 years in formal and informal ministries, both off and online. During this time I have learned that certain tools provided by the various schools of pyschology can be very useful when applied to the Christian World View. I also think that clinical pscyhology has provided the world with a lot of invaluable study data on human behavior; and that in order to understand, even get amongst the “Entitlement Infected” on tthe internet in general, one does need to familiarise themselves with the language, and terms of reference of psychology.
So finally lets look at what the Christian World View would say about the many labels the world has applied to “Entitlement.”
Firstly, a christian based drug and rehabilitation ministry has this to say about the role of entitlement in addiction.
“Ask any practicing addict if he thinks he has an overblown sense of entitlement and you are likely to get an earful about how he’s never expected anything from anyone, never gotten any special treatment and other related rants. But what we as addicts often can’t see, even after getting into recovery, is that we have lived our lives expecting quite a lot of things and having a fairly well-defined definition of what we thought we deserved.
But why is entitlement such a contributing factor in addiction? It is because the addict has his own perception of how he thinks the world, his life or his day should go? His way is the way. Rather than seeing himself and his preferences and plans as a part of the universe and entirely mutable, they are the universe. Thus, when life and circumstances run out of step with his predetermined schema for how things have to be, he finds himself in an unexpected and uncomfortable spot.”(http://www.christiandrugrehab.com/christian-recovery/the-role-of-entitlement-in-addiction/)
Finally, what does the bible have to say about things very easily resembling “Entitlement.”
“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”?
James 4:1-12 (ESV)
Whilst there are many things that can be unpacked from these verses, I am just going to point out a few things.
Firstly, this very clearly speaks about christians who do not have the fruit of self control. In other words there seems to be a disconnect from the ability to delay self, and all that self involves. Secondly, this causes conflict both within them and with other christians. Finally, there is a disconnect between these people and God, that causes God to actually be jealous.
So in conclusion, I think there is a lot to consider here. Does this apply to you? Are you infected with “Entitlement?” Have you been on the receiving end of those on the Christian Chat Circuit who are infected? Like me, have you reached the point of bewilderment and cried out to God over all those who are infected, and who continue to make a potential mission ground for the Kingdom of God, a toxic and infectious battle ground? There is so much more I have to say about all of this, and I will continue to post more on this series.
But in ending this article I would like to make a simple request. Please join me in praying over the Entitlement Infection in the Christian Chat Circuit, and continue to pray.
Lord we ask you to begin to release your warring angels to counter this warfare on ground that so many are trying to work for You and for Your Glory on. Please continue to equip all those with clear spiritual eyes and ears so that they may truly discern the schemes and traps of the enemy, and to release the captives from this continual reinfection. We thank you for the victory over sin that Jesus already won on the cross for those who will take up His offer of redemption. We pray that many more laborers would be prepared for this harvest of souls. In Jesus precious name… Amen